Of Pineapples & Sandy Lands
by Hack Generation
Summary: Shaun is sent out on a mission over Tunisia. Of course things go wrong when his plane is shot down in the middle of bloody nowhere! And who would be crazy enough to live in the middle the desert! His prickly, fruity, and yellow friend seems to agree. Slight AU! Shenanigans and Snark. Explicit Language. Fic for SunburnedStickperson. Pineapples, lots of them.


**_Prompt from Sunburned-Stickperson:_**

**_1) Pineapples_**

**_2) Obambulate_**

**_Obambulate (verb): to wander; roam._**

**_Pineapple (noun): a tropical fruit._**

**_sorry if this doesn't exactly fall into what you want but here ya go._**

**_Recommended song to listen to while reading this: Who We Are by Imagine Dragons_**

**_double lines and italics is a flashback.._**

**_onward and enjoy the crackiness Mr. Stickperson!_**

**_Credit of this chap goes to PirateWeasel_**

**_This is merely a dream before the real deal happens. A premonition of sorts._**

* * *

Shaun stepped out from the overhang of his shelter long enough to glare angrily at the sun.

The sun—despite its part in the day's drama—didn't seem to care one way or the other that it was being glared at.

After another moment spent fruitlessly searching the sky for signs of rescue or searching aircraft, the historian stepped back into the shadow of the plane wreckage that he was currently calling home. He looked over the remaining supplies that he had available as rations.

It was either the world's best luck, or the world's worst luck that had put him on this cargo flight. Worst luck, because—obviously—he had crashed. Best luck, because—if you were going to crash into the Tunisian desert—a cargo flight that was carrying large amounts of canned fruit and several ten-gallon tanks of water was probably the best thing to have been in. Either way one looked at it, the entire mission had been a complete and utter balls-up, in Shaun's opinion.

Tunisia.

What was so important to the Brotherhood that they had put him on a cargo flight to get to Tunisia even faster? And why did it have to been him; why couldn't they have sent that wanker, Desmond, instead? He was always talking about preferring the heat, anyhow. Always blathering on about how it was genetic because Desmond had Altair as an ancestor.

Well, the ginger-haired historian thought moodily, in all likelihood he would never learn why they had sent him. If it had truly been that important to have someone there in the time frame he had been given, then someone else would have been sent to take up the position when he didn't arrive as scheduled. Given how secretive the Brotherhood was even within its own walls…they would never tell him unless he _had_ to know to complete some other task or mission.

Truthfully, as long as they found him soon, Shaun was willing to happily go to his grave without knowing.

And if they didn't find him soon…he was likely to go to his grave without knowing, as well.

He carefully settled himself down in what had become his usual seat—close enough to the opening that had been torn in the plane's fuselage by the crash to catch any passing breezes but far enough back to avoid some of the worst of the baking heat and glare that reflected off of the sand—and reached for the waiting can and can opener. Time for his meal.

It was only the work of a few moments to have the can open. Shaun grimaced at the sight of its contents.

Pineapple. Yellow chunks of pineapple swam in its own juices in the can that he held.

How had he ever liked this, much less considered it his favorite food?

Well, it certainly wasn't a favorite now.

When he had first gone through the contents of the cargo hold after the crash, he had rejoiced to find that the cases that were being shipped all held pineapple. Food and drink, all in one can! And in one of his favorite flavors!

It was no longer a favorite. Pineapple could only be a favorite if you had something other than pineapple to eat. Since the crash Shaun had learned a few ugly facts about the fruit; currently his body was suffering from some of them.

Oh sure, it was sweet and tasty, with lots of vitamin C.

It was also so acidic that his lips and tongue started to swell by the end of the first day of eating nothing but pineapple.

A few days more and now he was dealing with the painful abdominal cramps and near chronic diarrhea. Drinking the juice helped to stave off dehydration; however, the diarrhea was causing his body to lose water at a rate he couldn't afford to totally replace.

Shaun sighed and lifted the can to his mouth, wincing as the acid in the juice stung and burned his cracked and chapped lips. After drinking the juice, he picked the pieces out with his fingers and ate them slowly, one piece at a time, to make them last longer.

If he made it out of here alive, Shaun was never going to touch pineapple again.

* * *

It took another three days—a total of ten days—for him to be located and rescued. The rescue group that found him was amazed to find him alive; and almost as shocked at his appearance.

When the helicopter landed, they were met by a hollow-eyed, figure that had been severely burnt by the sun. He had staggered up to them, demanding to know who had sent them. Upon learning the identity of the group that had financed and organized the search, he had grabbed their forearms and thanked them with blistered lips.

After a week-long hospital stay, he was finally discharged to finish recovering at home.

* * *

When Shaun arrived back at the complex, all he had wanted to do was go to his room and try to get some more sleep. Instead, he was being dragged around by Rebecca.

"No offense, Rebecca," he told her, "but can't you wait to show me what you've been doing until after I've had a nap and a shower? Maybe even a meal?"

"Come on, Shaun," Rebecca wheedled. "It won't take long, and then you can go do whatever you want. I'll even make certain that no one wakes you or bothers you in any way after you leave."

Shaun rolled his eyes. "Let's make it quick and get this over with," he said, exasperated, as she aimed them at a pair of swinging doors.

They pushed the doors open and stepped through.

"SURPRISE!"

Shaun looked around the small assembled group. All of his friends were there, smiles on their faces as they greeted him. Even Desmond was present, although it could be argued that it was more of a smirk than a smile on his face.

"We just wanted you to know how happy we are that you're back and safe," Rebecca told him, a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. "So we decided to throw you a welcome home party…we even got your favorite cake!"

The group stepped back to reveal the table that had been hidden behind them, a large banner above it on the wall proclaiming, 'Welcome Back Shaun'. Shaun groaned when he got closer to the table. Sitting in its place of honour in the center of the table, was the cake….

Pineapple Upside-Down cake.

In the quiet that fell when he saw the cake, Desmond's voice could be heard.

"Told you not to get him a cake."

* * *

_**Nxt chapter coming up soon**_


End file.
